08

Dear Subaru,

It's been a while hasn't it?

I turned 29. I can't believe that in just one more year I'll be 30!

The last few years have been the worst.
A lot of ups and downs. A lot of tears.
Hopelessness. Frustration. Fear.
I was resigned to it staying like this.
With 30 looming I thought for sure I would feel worse.
Like, here I am 30 and I've gotten nowhere....
I was NOT looking forward to the future.

But surprisingly enough things have turned a corner!
Actually, even with 30 in the distance, I feel calm. A strange sense of comfort.
There's no need to fight anymore. You can only fight for so long before you allow yourself to accept and forgive. I understand what's inside me and I can live with it now. I can even embrace and respect it.
This is who I am and it's okay! In fact, it's great!!!
My life might not be what I thought it would be by now. But in some ways it's so much more.
And everything I've been through has led  me to this moment. To my growth and evolution.

I can't help but be proud of myself.
I set 2013 as the year in which I would start to work things out and it's taken until October but it's beginning to happen!

There were some things that happened this summer that made me realize that there's no point in focusing on what you aren't or what you feel you're missing. You never know when life is going to throw a curve ball at you so instead of focusing on how nothing is working, or nothing is how you expected or wanted it to be, it's better to focus on the positive so you can get all the joy you can. We can't change a lot of what happens around us, and we certainly can't change our past, but we can make peace and love what is instead of what we wish was. We can change our attitude. And we can change our focus.
We can focus on what's good in our lives. On what we love.  On the people we love. On what we believe in. On the simple fact that our life is a blessing. It's a journey. It's an opportunity to grow and do good.
No matter what we're here to feel and learn and evolve.
We're not here to acquire status or possessions or to control fate.
We're here as a gift. 

And isn't life a wonderful thing?
Because when we stop focusing on the negative and let go of some of that fear and hurt good just comes flooding in!

Lately, I've been meeting so many interesting people and making new friends!
I want to go out! I feel ready and excited to participate in the world!
This is new, believe me.
For a while there, I really isolated myself. I only had two friends I saw on a regular basis and then one moved away. But that's how it was supposed to be. It reminds of something I read in a book one time. The author said that when you're facing a lot of internal wounds and going through the process of cleansing and growing, that you'll notice that you're alone a lot, that your circle of friends gets smaller. And that was certainly true for me in the last few years.

But now my heart is opening again and so so are the doors letting new people and things into my life.

And from here who knows?

Maybe I'll even meet you someday :)

I wonder what's to come....
You're 32. How's it been for you since you turned the corner? I know you had a turning point too around the time you turned 30. So I wonder what your experience has been like since! What are your new challenges and discoveries?

I can't wait to see you in concert again.
So looking forward to it!

Much love,

Aniella

P.S. The Book: http://www.thepresenceportal.com/ (日本語のページもあるよ）